Before I go to Bed...

--Awesome News, New Dilemma--

Tickets go on sale for "WWE Friday Night SmackDown" at the Richmond Coliseum this Saturday. The event date is Tuesday July 21st which obviously means that "Friday Night SmackDown" will be taped from 8:00pm to 10:00pm with ECW being broadcast (after) live from 10:00pm to 11:00pm and either one of two things can happen. If they use the ECW setup for that Thursday's episode of "WWE Superstars" then we might get a Superstars recorded match between the SmackDown recording and ECW showing or after ECW as a extra matche or two for coming to the show. I really want to go this time. I have NEVER been to a WWE event. Funny thing is Ive met two wrestlers in person (complete with autograph signing) and was the first person in life for one of those meets (walked close to seven miles that day, no joke). I really want a certain someone to come along with me but I'm not quite sure...

--A Certain Someone--

I'm sleeping too much, its not a good thing. I'm not sleeping because I'm tired but to pass the day along. I haven't done this since I was a teenager, living with my sister during the weekends and my adopted mother during my school days. I'm worried about the future yet saddened and hurt by today and deeply scarred by yesterday. I'm scared, frustrated and lonely and the walls that surround me have now become a shell. I feel confined. I feel like Ive lost something very important yet at the same time wondering if it all was what it seemed. Everyday I keep losing something. Every bit of me is being chipped away. I don't want "someone" to solve my problem yet being loved makes me complete. That's what I'm lacking right now. I haven't felt it in a long time I thought I did a few months back but I had a hard lesson with that situation. I found out it was all a lie.

Now I'm in a new situation and I just don't know what to do. Do I act like my zodiac sign and shell up with my pincers out? Its hard for me to trust. I'm so used to people being flaky that I wished I had a clue what the opposite was.
I might not know what to do but I know what outcome I want. Some days it feels like I'm getting close but those days are few and far in between. Most days it feels like I'm just running in circles. I'm just so unsure about a lot and yet hopeful about a few. I hate "hope"... It gets me into trouble. Well, it has, it did. Will it again? Will my "hope" finally lead me to a tunnels end with bright daylight or into a cave where the end is a dead end, a dark, cold wall of nowhere? I just don't know and I'm scared. I'm tired of being scared.

--Rice--

I gotta do something about my food situation. If I eat rice one more day I think I will barf. Don't get me wrong, I love rice and noodles and anything in between but, I cant do it anymore. Darn it I need meat! Nice, chunky, cow! Well.... oh well.